Park Bench Society

Park Bench Society
Wish You A Very Happy Lunar Year

Photo courtesy of Wahyu Kencana

"We’re not only a worldwide agency, we offers integrated communication solutions as well". That is more or less the message that are send across when you browse through the agency credential in an Adobe Flash Player format.

"Let’s give the client a 360 degrees approach" are often mentioned in the board room discussion during initial sharing session every time a new pitch came along the agency’s way. These new pitches, when they come along our way they really rush through the pipeline just like this February rains that hit Jakarta and and flooded more than half of the city. Speaking of the recent Jakarta flood, while some might think that this writing not really knocked on facts….although I do think it is, one thing I can say for sure is that Sutiyoso who is the governor of Jakarta is absolutely and undeniably a real asshole for turning the city public open spaces into a commodity and exchangeable to commercial places which makes the city land totally helpless in absorbing rain falls.

Anyway, retreating from that line of thinking let’s get back to that integrated communication solutions consisting of so many lines from above, below, and striking smack in the middle through it that would be enough to makes any heads dizzy. The kind of dizziness that comes not only from too much information but also the lack of basic understanding of what they really are. Sometimes I can sense that the client does not understand what the hell it is that they are seeing in the presentation slides and probably more concern on how much all that is going to cost their brand expenditure. The more sophisticated client on the other hand knows exactly what are the problems the brand faces and the kind of solutions that they needs and feels that they are being offered more than what they required. It’s like either offering someone who shop in  K-Mart an outfit by Alexander McQueen or showing  a pair of Porsche in different colors to someone who already have a 10 rooms villa in Majorca overlooking the Mediterranean sea. Just from the brief they wrote you can get a sense of what they are looking for and the kind of urgency that need immediate solutions they seek from their agencies.

It’s funny to see how instead of taking a careful look at the brief everyone start to think they can turn the client’s brand into a distinguish brand and got all excited with "let’s show them everything we have" attitude. True, an all around approach to a brand communication can never hurt the brand given the strategy is based on a insightful platform. So don’t you say that I don’t have that "let’s win this pitch" outlook because I do. As unconventional an Ad man as I am, although not crazy at all about award winning ad, I do realize at the end of the day it’s all about the freaking billing and bottom line. And if I am lucky it would also means bonuses permitting the Gods of the advertising universe are being merciful to the mortals.

Nevertheless, the facts that are sometimes forgotten in the midst of these excitement are the urgency and priorities that the client seek for that particular campaign, not to mention budget constraints which will always be the angel of death in white hooded robe ready to strike with its sharp scythe any creative ideas, even good ones if they threaten to exceed the life of the corporate balance sheet. So to come up with the all rounded approach combining the above, beyond and through the lines works sometime look more like a showcase of ego rather than for the sake of providing an integrated solutions.

But what kills me the most is to watch this bunch of highly skilled special agents with creative license do their operative planning involve little or no integrative thinking whatsoever between the inter - department personnel. The whole development process sometimes is all about one adapting to another’s slide and expanding it.  Still, it could turned out to be one hell of an artsy and comprehensive presentation at the end of the day. Will it actually of some use is still to be seen. If the client for some reason found it to be useful and they feel they can pay for it then it’s great. Otherwise, to me the whole thing is just a  creative masturbation and  self - inflicting pleasure leaving nothing but cleaning up some spilled love stains at the end. Sure, go ahead have a beer and smoke afterward but for sure swallowing the cold  beer and inhaling those nicotine is going to taste so much better if there were some passionate screaming that you’ve done with someone else just before that rather than shutting your eyes tight imagining some babes in a glossy magazines.

Some might argue that getting it off that way still feels great. I could relate to that, really. I mean in that last few seconds you don’t really care whether you’re alone or with someone who will let you come inside her or let you stay inside her mouth so she can swallow everything. It really doesn’t matter, does it ? So I guess I still have the right to go have a cold beer and a smoke afterward just as if I actually had a real sex.

But here’s a thing that will be hard to swallow even for the cheapest, ugliest, horniest and desperate street whore who would readily give you a blow job in the filthiest public toilet. Better yet, here’s another analogy. There are two things that a guy fear the most during intimate
moments. One is he can’t get it up and the other is pre - mature
ejaculation.

For the sake of being a good team player you have gone through that whole process of trying to came up with an integrated views on your part that will hang nicely with the mass communication method of the other team. Everyone is then feels good that this all around approach will give all the necessary leverage to the whole campaign. Of course I have prepared myself with a cold beer and a pack of cigarette for the afterward and sometimes I have to admit I can even bring myself looking forward to the afterward smoke and self - cuddling.  So come the presentation day and everyone is all gungho and thirsty for client’s blood. After which you found out something terrifying during the presentation through all the politeness the client can pull together. Either they told you that they don’t need to hear your part of of the presentation or they put up with  the whole presentation  and later told you that for now just as mentioned in the brief, they only needed to focus on the other communication method. Perhaps on a later phase they would go with the direction you have proposed in your part.

Now, this happened to me twice this week on two different campaigns. Imagine this, you’re lying there naked in bed with your woman and say "this never happen to me before" or " it’s not you, it’s me". But if that happens twice in a week with that same woman I can say you will either started to get really pissed with yourself or looking for someone to blame. One thing for sure you can’t bear to think that this woman will start thinking you are another asshole in town besides the governor.

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